we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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