Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
