He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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