Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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