Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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