Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
