Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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