every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
