Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
