D3 body, D1 cock
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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