She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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