Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
