I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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