I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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