You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
