i would punch a child for taco bell
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
