Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
