Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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