WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
