She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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