Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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