Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
