I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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