If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
