I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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