If i come over, it means nothing
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
These tits shall not be calmed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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