Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
