On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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