Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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