just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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