Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
