I just made out with a guy for $7.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
