i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
