69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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