she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
