I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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