I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
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I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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