New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
