She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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