you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
