both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
