i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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