Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
