i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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