I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
