Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
