i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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