Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
