I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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