No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
