you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
