Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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