Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
