why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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