ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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