420 ftw
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
