I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was like eating out sand paper
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
