just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
