Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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