So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
