Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
