Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
