Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
